Life, Death & Hospital Coffee

Aww

2007-05-12T02:01:00.000+01:00

I've now accumulated one day in paediatrics and I can't get over how adorable all the kids are. I just want to hug them all and bring them presents. And then cure them. I'll get more medical about it soon...

X

Puppets and lumps

2007-05-05T20:52:00.000+01:00

So I haven't written in ages. In the meantime, I completed a 3-week geriatrics attachment. I have to admit, I really wasn't looking forward to geris - double incontinence and dementia didn't exactly inspire. However, in actuality it was really just general medicine and a good opportunity to revise cardiac, GI and neuro (that's heart, tummy and noggin) examinations. All in preparation for the dreaded OSCE, or Objective Structured Clinical Examination. Think 24 random, unknown histories/exams/procedures in 3 hours. Think butterflies in the stomach and a frozen tongue. Think worse than a driving test. Seriously. So it was nice to be asked to do said exams, suddenly realise I couldn't even remember the basics ("inspection, percussion, palpation? or is it... and when do I use the stethoscope? F**k!") and be spurred into frantic revision.

One patient however did give me a little encouragement. We were being taught by a JHO (that's Junior House Officer or "F1" doctor as they're now called) who happened to be the absolute best kind of JHO for teaching - arrogant and loved the sound of his own voice. The shy/nice JHOs are too worried about their patients, or too nervous that their brains haven't yet morphed into medical encylopedias, to teach. Anyway, so he was like "Medical students! Great! YOU" - points at me - "can do a DRE! *cackle*". So, like the obedient little medical student I am, I trotter off for supplies. On the way back, a nurse says "Hey, whatcha doin' with that KY Jelly?" "Um, a DRE", I reply shyly (but actually quite proud that I'm doing an actual activity! Something that will help a patient! Am I a real, live person yet? I'm helping somebody!). The nurse grins at ArrogantDoctor, "She doesn't need a DRE! You're being mean to the medical student!" ArrogantDoctor: "She needs to learn. *cackle*". I stopped feeling like a real, live person and started feeling like a puppet existing solely for the amusement of ArrogantDoctor. Let's not even get started on the ethics of doing pointless examinations on patients, even one as near-comatose with dementia as this one. Regardless I went off to do my first ever DRE. On my return I said, "Aha so you wanted me to find that mass right?" *pause* "Mass? What mass?" "Well the one hanging out of her back passage..." "There's a mass?... Er. Let me go and look." Cue another DRE (poor patient) and a slightly shame-faced doctor.
Me: "See it?"
AD: "Yup".
Me: "You really should biopsy that".
AD: "Yup."
Me: "*cackle*"

Hey, I may actually have helped somebody!

xxx

Portfolio shmortfolio

2007-04-01T17:14:00.000+01:00

I would have a rant about my elective portfolio and how pointless/silly the whole thing is but it wouldn't be as funny, or as accurate, as this. So I'm not going to. Suffice to say, I'm going to the Himalayas and Mauritius for 2 months this summer. I'm going to the Himalayas because I thought a 4-week trek would be a bit of a challenge and I wanted to go camping with my mates. And I'm going to Mauritius because I wanted a tan. Try stretching those reasons out to 5,000 words. Oh yeah, and completely changing them. The Himalayas: "I feel I will grow personally and professionally, whilst helping these underserved people." Mauritius: "With one of the densest populations on the planet, Mauritius suffers from a very low physician-to-population ratio..." It sucks all the joy out of my summer and it also makes me hate myself.

xxx

And then it was born

2007-03-31T22:14:00.000+01:00

After discovering my new housemate, brother-of-ex-housemate and fellow medical student, Nick, was in possession of a blog, I couldn't resist. I've always wanted one (inherent geek that I am) and if he's gone 7 months with one without offending a patient, being sued or getting ejected from medical school then I figure it can't go that wrong.

I do realise that trying to emulate his writings is bound to fail as a) I will no doubt get bored after one week, b) people will have even more reason to call me a geek and it will kill me, c) I'm not at all funny and, crucially, d) I really like making lists and nobody likes reading lists. However, I reckon this will be a great medium for keeping in contact during my elective this summer and I am very fond of talking about myself. So fingers crossed.

Since this is supposed to be about medicine - I had my obstetrics and gynaecology exam this week. Wasn't too difficult but then it didn't seem to be that difficult for anybody so I'm not hoping for much. I actually put a lot of work into this one so it's a shame I'm feeling so deflated about the upcoming results. Never mind, another day, another rotation... Speaking of which, paediatrics (and some other stuff) starts on Monday. Although it's two weeks of lectures so it's a while before I'll have patient tales to tell...

xxx